It is Just Different......

No, this isn't my home. Although I have a fireplace, this is very decorated and well. my home isn't. To be honest time is flying by. I do not "feel" the Christmas season. Perhaps it is because the children are older, and wrapped up in their own things. Maybe it is the poor economy and the way everyone has been snapping, impatient, and worried. The thought of losing ones job, home, and all that it entails can be overwhelming. Even more so this time of the year when we expect and want to feel more jovial and giving. It isn't the gift giving I am talking of, although for some thatmay be a factor. For me it has been the gift of time. It is as though we have all become afraid to celebrate, or spend time together just having fun lest we be thought of as spendthrifts and foolish, Yes things are bad, but they have been bad before. The media has pounded in the fact that it is because we, the American public, have not been thrifty enough. we want. we spend. (Yeah, that same media that tells you that you need that big TV, vacation to the Bahamas, and blames the lack of "spending" for the poor economy and the public facing the loss of their jobs and homes) which is not entirely true. Many have saved, but watched Wall Street steal it with Congress's blessing and get bonuses and a bail out to boot. Many pay their bills on time and their mortgages, only to lose money because banks dumped homes and the value of their property drop, and raised their rates. Believe me I have tried to get in the spirit, but it has been tense here. My position is tenuous, my daughter is only working one day a week, and I have a wedding this March to prepare for. There will be no Christmas morning of unwrapping presents here. My eldest will be with her fiances family, my youngest will be with her friend as they leave to spend the day his family. I hope to see my son at Steve's family dinner later Christmas day. It will be quiet, and that's okay. Still I cannot help missing having my family together. It cannot be helped as we know, things change. I will keep hoping things will improve and that the people in our government will stop fiddling with my future and the future of my children. I have stopped watching the news. They show so much despair and need at this time. Charities are feeling it too, after all it is hard to give when you don't know if you will need that extra to live on yourself. It will be quiet here this year, and I will just ride the waves, and hope for better times ahead. I know many have posted cheerful things on their blogs, and that for them it may be better, or perhaps they are just trying, like myself, to maintain some sort of peace or joy in their own way. I don't mean to sound melancholy, but as my friend Terri would say "It is what it is". It's not that I am really sad, but not exactly happy either. It just does not feel like a holiday for lack of a better reason. I am truly grateful for what I do have. It's just been a lot happening lately, as I said things change, and I guess they are just changing too fast for me lately. I suppose I could put on a happy face here speak of all thing merry and bright, but it is not how I feel right now, and I want be able to just say it. I will be fine, It will be okay, it is just...... different, and somedays different isn't easy. I do want to wish all a Happy Holiday, and let's all make a wish for a better New Year.