Monday, January 5, 2009
I was having a day. I had joined in a conversation online where I voiced an opinion about a certain subject. ( a "man" wanted to join the group, and I did not see any reason not to let him) Instead of just seeing my comment as a different perspective, a difference of opinion, I was met with anger, derision, and told to "take med's, yeah maybe a little Zoloft"(I strongly felt at this point this person should be taking her own advise regarding medication). I was led to believe by this person the group was supposed to be a place to converse, exchange thoughts openly, freely. I have been to it before and in the past had refrained from commenting. People have a tendency to read emotion into statements made that are often not there. (As for the comments made to me well they were live and not typed out, but said on camera, so I dare say I was not reading anything into what had been said to me that was not there to be seen and heard by everyone watching) I had thought that this particular group was of open minded women, yet that was not the impression I was left with at all. I left feeling that while people may have thought they were "open" and "friendly", it was quite the opposite, leaving me with the feeling like that of a group of kids that watches as a bully taunts and ridicules the new kid. I am not a follower by nature. I am distrustful of places or people who can only accept one point of view without even considering any other. In cases where any deviation from one persons point of view is met with accusation and ridicule. I wonder then, why bother to chat at all? If you are not open to questions and the possibility of another point of view, why even bother to ask or share? I sat back to think to myself what I had said that triggered such a accusatory and violent reaction. I could only think it was that I had not agreed with this person. More striking for me was the fact that apparently no one else disagreed or even questioned this person's verbal abuse. When this person referred to the group as a "cult" it hit me. Cults do not question, they are mindless drones following someone like they were some sort of spiritual leader. Is this the kind of members what this person wanted? Well there you have it, I would never fit in. So was I wrong? I don't think so. Was my mistake then thinking that the subject was even open to any real discussion? Perhaps. I do know that I was in the wrong place. From my perspective this was no open forum for discussion, but one person, and a group of avid followers who would not dream of questioning anything this person said, even if, on any level they felt the same. So I have decided that this place was is not for me. I want open discussion, the feeling of validation even if we disagree, and I hope I never make anyone afraid to say how they feel. I want a place where one can say "I do not like vulgar language, I do not see the use of genitalia in my work or chat as empowerment, and I don't think we should discrimintate". As a woman, I do not want to feel I have to act like the very thing I hate about men, to feel empowered. I have heard women say "Oh men discriminate, their vulgar, inconsiderate, etc.", yet then why is it when some women form groups we feel as though we have to emulate the very things we find most offensive? Why can't we just treat each other how we want to be treated? Why do we discriminate, or deny access when we hate that it is done to us? Why can't we be better than that? I cannot promise I will agree with everyone, and I will defend my position if I feel I am right, but hopefully I will be more considerate, and try to understand another point of view or at least that it how that person feels. This is just my thoughts, my reasons. You do not have to agree, you do not have to comment, this is for me. I put it here hoping to remind myself , to reflect, maybe change my mind, see my error, or just vent. Either way lesson learned.
Posted by Willnnabel at 5:01 AM